One with the good and the bad!

by

Delphi Amritam, my spiritual teacher, once told me the story of her awakening. She was at a spiritual gathering and her teacher was driving by. He stopped the car, got out and locked eyes with her. At that moment she knew, and experienced herself, as one with everything. After a moment she thought, “but what about the bad people, am I one with them too.” Then she had the thought, “If I am one with everything then I must be one with them too.” The inner significance to this was total self-acceptance. She was one with the good parts of herself, and the bad. So there was no more need for self-judgment, fear, or doubt.

This story has been rattling around in my head for some time now.

My problem with total acceptance has been: If I accept everything, including myself, as perfect, right here, right now… including:

  1. World hunger.
  2. Illness and pain.
  3. The fact that I am an ass sometimes.
  4. The fact that I am afraid sometimes.
  5. Etc., etc., etc., etc…..

…then can I also want these things to be different too? Isn’t that a contradiction?

I now know the answer is NO, it is not a contradiction. The truth is total acceptance is required before change can occur. I am perfect! And I can choose new and different experiences too.

It was not until I accepted and saw the perfection in the suffering I experienced during the worst of my illness that it began to change. It was only then that I saw I had the choice to be healthy. Before that I felt like a victim to it. The parts of my illness that still remain are showing me, teaching me, how to grow into a freer and happier person.

I never wanted to give up my self-judgment because I thought I needed it to learn, change, and grow. The truth is though, what I judge is what I am at war with. Self-judgement is really just self beat-up.

I saw a TV show last night that exemplifies this. A boy did something he was very ashamed of, so he starting drinking (alcohol) to numb the pain of the shame he felt. Drunk and shameful, he started a fight with someone at a bar. He punished himself by getting beat-up. And boy did he get the #$%^& kicked out of him.

Take away the self-judgment and there is no need for shame; no need for getting drunk; no need to get beat-up. Just a lesson, and a choice to change if desired.

After all, this is a trial and error universe. That is just the way it works.

  • When we succeed we have found a way that works.
  • When we fail we have found a way that doesn’t work.

Thinking I should ONLY be doing things that work, is self-beat up. It is called Perfectionism. Personally I consider myself a recovering perfectionistJ

So if I am perfect, right here–right now, and forcing myself to change is just self-beat up, then how do I grow? How do I change myself and the world for the better? What can I do?

I now do nothing except observe. It is not will-power or force that creates permanent change. It is simple observation. By observing what doesn’t work. I naturally, and effortlessly, choose to respond differently. Why would I do something I REALLY see doesn’t work. I wouldn’t. This is the illusion of life. We act in ways we think make us happy. But if we REALLY looked, we would see much of the time it doesn’t. This alone is the problem. This is why simple observation, and acceptance of what is observed, is all that is required for change.

A personal example is my experience of being a dad. When I was married (I am now divorced), my wife wanted children. I wanted TO WANT to have children, and tried REALLY hard to force myself to want kids. OUCH! We never did have children. Eventually I realized the fruitlessness of forcing myself to want children and just watched myself, seeing what would happen, and trusting that if the time was right it would happen as grace.

Years later I naturally fell into a new relationship and into the role of being a dad.

It did not require force, and I now WANT to be a dad. I truly enjoy the experience of parenting. Wow…who wrote that? That is a phrase I never, ever, thought I would hear myself say! But truth is my heart just melts as my boy runs up to me, hugs me, and looks up with me with those big translucent loving eyes.

OK…here is another example of oneness. My boy just ran up to me after I wrote that yelling, “Daddy, daddy, daddy….I love you…I love you….I love you…and gave me a giant bear hug.” Man I love that kid! And right on cue too!!!!!! Pure magic.

Once I see clearly what is REALLY happening…then I think differently about my situation…then I act differently. For example, as I learn more deeply that life is just a learning ground, I think of the pain I experience with my migraines more as gift showing me how I am living out of balance and how to get back in balance.

A powerful thought for me is, “If I am equally grateful for the pain as well as the pleasure in my life, then I will ALWAYS live in gratitude.” I love that thought.

In my experience, the catch in having a thought like that is I really have to believe it for it to work. If I don’t REALLY believe it, then I am just telling myself an affirmation. Which is fine, but the real change comes from totally changing my belief system.

For example: When Delphi truly believed, in fact knew, she was one with all the good and bad. Then the battle with the bad ended. That was not an affirmation; it was a knowing of Truth!

My life has been an up and down sea of moving toward the Truth of oneness. I know it more than I ever have, and the more I know it the happier I am, so I have faith in the process.

What I have learned from Delphi’s story:

  1. Accept myself and my life exactly as it is. Good and bad, it is all perfect-just as it is.
  2. The path to changing my life does not come from forcing change. The process is:
    1. First applying #1 above: i.e accepting any issue I have with myself or my life. Not seeing an issue as a problem, but seeing its perfection.
      1. My personal process is to look for the lesson. Seeing an issue as a lesson leads to me seeing it is a gift, because it is an opportunity to be freer and happier than I have ever been before.
    2. Next I need to see my issue just for what it is with no make-wrong and no judgement. This is objective observation.
    3. Then I can choose to think in a new way about the situation. I will effortlessly respond differently towards the same situation.
      1. What has caused me the most pain has been jumping directly into trying to change a situation before applying the previous steps. It is my experience that action follows thought, not the other way around.
    4. My life then changes naturally and smoothly because I create a different reality through my thoughts and resultant actions.
  3. The fight is gone. The life process is easy, fun, flowing, and growing!

 

You know what is also REALLY cool? Today a friend sent me this quote:

    “A master’s awareness of spiritual laws directs him or her to manifest major life changes by working with their thoughts, not by working harder.

    Which isn’t to say they don’t sometimes work very long hours, because they do; they just don’t think of it as work. Which also isn’t to say that they all have cool jobs that anyone would love, because they don’t; they just see every task before them, no matter where they work, as a gift to unwrap.”

 

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6 Responses to “One with the good and the bad!”

  1. Alan Brady Says:

    Thanks for the lovely insight, Theo; I have been dealing with a problem requiring total acceptance for over a year now and I find your calm words most helpful.

    All the best; I hope to try your mouthpiece sometime soon.

    Alan

  2. Børge-Are Halvorsen Says:

    Wonderful of you to actually share such personal stories, views and insights on your website for saxophone products. It works. Thank you very much.

  3. Geha Says:

    Just found you. Love your insights and stories. You must watch Dr and Master Sha’s (DrSha.com) to see, listen, read and be inspired how to heal all of your physical and emotional pains. His movie Soul Masters filmed in China with his spiritual teacher will heal the world! Not to be missed. Seeing extraordinary Healers at work is one of the most amazing teaching I have ever experienced. Look it up!

  4. Leilani Says:

    The “Soul Masters” movie is soul awakening. Amazing healing by Master Guo and Master Sha, Soul Master Healers from Tian Jian, China. Master Guo’s clinic practices traditional Chinese medicine and western medicine healing patients’ soul, mind and body. First heal the soul, then healing of the mind and body will follow. Go to Master Sha’s website: drsha.com and receive divine blessings and healings. Be on your way to soul enlightenment.

  5. Ximena Says:

    Thank you, Theo! I love your writing, the simplicity of your words and the wisdom they share.

    Ximena

  6. Robert of Toronto Says:

    Thank you for sharing. There are many spiritual masters in the world and I have followed some of them but Master Sha is one that has helped so many with their issues whether they are physical, emotional or spiritual that I highly recommend you check him out via his many books and website: http://www.drsha.com

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